Marital breakdown and divorce general information

This is, of course, a question only the people actually involved in the relationship can answer. Everybody is different, so every relationship is different, and what might be intolerable to one person need not be to another. As outlined later in the article, divorce has far-reaching consequences, so it’s important to be certain before starting proceedings. Where people are not absolutely certain, couple counselling can be helpful in trying to resolve problems or, where a resolution is found to be impossible, in easing the way to a separation or divorce. http://www.relate.org.uk/ will be able to provide you with the details of a qualified counsellor in your area.

A divorce dissolves a marriage and in divorce proceedings the court has the power to make any orders relating to the property or income of either party as well as orders in relation to the children, whether the parties agree or not. Where the parties are agreed, the court will consider whether this separation agreement is fair and reasonable, and where it relates to the children, whether it’s in their best interest.

Although orders relating to children can always be varied, some orders relating to finances are final and no further claim can be made at any time, no matter what the circumstances, including the death of a former partner.

People are rarely financially better off after a divorce for the simple reason that it is more expensive to maintain two homes than one. It is therefore likely that you will experience a drop in your standard of living. Being realistic about this and trying to reach an agreement on as many financial and property issues as possible greatly reduces costs and stress. Where there are children, their needs should be the starting point in deciding where everybody is going to live. Making sure you know exactly what the assets, debts, income and outgoing of everybody are is necessary in order to try and find a solution.

Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful situations you are likely to experience. You are likely to feel sad, angry, resentful, vengeful and unhappy, often at the same time. It is important to remember that, although your partner’s behaviour may be evidence to show that the marriage is over, it is not in itself the ground for divorce. That is ‘that the marriage has broken down irretrievably’. The court is extremely unlikely to punish a party to divorce proceedings for their behaviour prior to the proceedings. The only time it tends to ‘punish’ people is if they are unreasonable during the proceedings, e.g. refuse to accept a reasonable offer of settlement – by awarding cost against them.

So not only do you have to deal with your emotions but you are expected to put them aside in negotiations and to act objectively and reasonably. This is, of course, extremely difficult. Counselling or therapy can be very useful in dealing with stress and there are many different approaches available.

Your GP may be able to put you in touch with someone, Relate http://www.relate.org.uk/ will be able to help, or you could try the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy at http://www.bacp.co.uk/ or CCC at http://www.counselling.ltd.uk/ that both have lists of approved counsellors and therapists. It is worth remembering that it’s a not a sign of weakness but a sign of maturity to know when one needs help.

You both are and remain parents to your children. It can be hard to distinguish between their best interest and your own. Nonetheless, and no matter what your problems are with each other, it is vitally important to make that distinction. It is very unfair and extremely damaging to children to involve them, either by giving them inappropriate information, asking them directly or indirectly to take sides or using them to put pressure on the other partner.

If you have decided that your marriage has broken down irretrievably and that you want a divorce, you can either instruct a solicitor or save money by doing it yourself. Net Lawman can provide all the documentation you will need, including example forms and draft letters. If you prefer, we can also hold your hand: as much or as little as you like.